thoughts of you come in snatches

it has been very many years, but you appear out of nowhere. in a corny movie filled with cliched dialogues about loving and wanting, i see your face. the actress is speaking for you, as i watch. she becomes you like in a dream gone sour, like with the last piece of the jigsaw gone missing. you are far away, i don't even know if you cared or do now at least. i see you in every woman who talks of love and want. i didn't know if you did. and there seems to be no way of knowing it ever. you just stepped out of my life, like you do when you want coffee or something, and then never come back...you were the only real thing in my life in a long long time. even now, however much i try to stanch thoughts of you, i bleed. i don't seem to be able too be unfaithful to you, although  i am. for, you just refuse to die inside of me however much i try.