finally i feel numb

yes. i never thought this day too shall come to pass. it is as vyasa says in the mahabharata. time does indeed play numb. you have been gone for years. and finally, i do not even make an effort to dredge you up. it was as if you existed only in some past life. it feels like we hadn't even met. that i did not even know you, like two galaxies on opposite ends of the universe(if it can have ends that is). separated by speeding light that can never be able to reach on time to deliver my messages of redemption, from you, from the pain of your passing. it seems exactly like waking up from a dream, not even remembering the details, all fuzzy, only vaguely recollecting the terror, soon dismissed as just a dream (or nightmare, if you choose to call it that). it seems like time indeed has helped put light years between us. and that is the real tragedy, that i am not even sure those memories of you were real or not. maybe it wasn't because it was never meant to be. 

the year ends, and with it

goes another 365 days

of living without you.

how many more 365-day

years, and leap years,

should i endure

with just vague recollections

of you?

if not for you, i would be dead

you stole my thoughts

of suicide

with promises of hope

of a future that now lie 

shattered,

like so many clay cups

out to swallow

its drinkers

in one fell swoop,

to dust with them.

i gave you my life

in exchange

for all those memories

of dread.

transgression

yesterday,
you just crossed an invisible line
that i draw
to keep some people in
and exclude others.
now, it looks like
you are on your way out.
this is to say
goodbye
for the many wonderful moments
we shared.