back to the wall

today, the walls enclose me. my screams against injustice are choked. the walls move in ever closer, squeezing what little space there is. i want to get on with living, to be able to live in peace. i want everything of the past to bury itself. i want a life filled with hope. i have struggled all these years. i have faced strangers, friends, colleagues, family squarely and stood my ground. now the ground beneath my feet has disappeared. i am standing, but there is nothing to stand on, stand for. i want to live in peace, filled with peace and joy. enough is enough. is there a way to buy happiness, peace, to skip despair and run, fly! i have forgotten how to! i did not do it as a child, i was too wrapped in earning a living, honestly. now, i have responsibilities that i cannot run away from. i need someone to say i am fine as i am, without dragging money, fame, character etc into the bargain. i want to be accepted, not judged. please let me live my life in small, little, unnoticeable ways. i won't ask you for money, for your time, for your advice, for work, nothing. just let me morph into a butterfly that i always dreamed of becoming. please let me live just once!